The Will to Change: Men, Masculinity, and Love

The Will to Change: Men, Masculinity, and Love Publishers Weekly A Fiercedenunciation Of Patriarchy And A Clarion Call To The Uncommitted To Align Themselves With Visionary Radical FeminismGeorge Weinberg Author Of Why Men Won T Commit A Compelling Study Of The Culture S Unfairness To MenEveryone Needs To Love And Be Loved Even Men But To Know Love, Men Must Be Able To Look At The Ways That Patriarchal Culture Keeps Them From Knowing Themselves, From Being In Touch With Their Feelings, From Loving In The Will To Change, Bell Hooks Gets To The Heart Of The Matter And Shows Men How To Express The Emotions That Are A Fundamental Part Of Who They Are Whatever Their Age, Marital Status, Ethnicity, Or Sexual Orientation With Trademark Candor And Fierce Intelligence, Hooks Addresses The Most Common Concerns Of Men, Such As Fear Of Intimacy And Loss Of Their Patriarchal Place In Society, In New And Challenging Ways She Believes Men Can Find The Way To Spiritual Unity By Getting Back In Touch With The Emotionally Open Part Of Themselves And Lay Claim To The Rich And Rewarding Inner Lives That Have Historically Been The Exclusive Province Of Women A Brave And Astonishing Work, The Will To Change Is Designed To Help Men Reclaim The Best Part Of Themselves

[Ebook] ➣ The Will to Change: Men, Masculinity, and Love Par Bell Hooks –
  • Relié
  • 208 pages
  • The Will to Change: Men, Masculinity, and Love
  • Bell Hooks
  • Anglais
  • 09 November 2018
  • 0743456084

5 thoughts on “The Will to Change: Men, Masculinity, and Love

  1. says:

    Short review a great primer for any man looking to change Just a touch of back story As a kid I saw the Old Boys Club antagonize my mom in all kinds of nasty ways, so I decided my way of being a man would be to do no harm essentially embrace a sort of neutral passivity which kinda worked, but I ve found passivity allows the patriarchy to still hold sway, and I am often still complicit So, I ve been exploring what a healthy assertive masculinity would look like A friend of mine recommended bell hook s book The Will To Change Men, Masculinity, and Love saying it is the only book out there addressing Alternative Masculinity The Will To Change is a broad description of what the Patriarchy does to men Dr hooks describes a totalized system, I have to admit I ve not experienced all the manifestations of patriarchy described, but I d imagine that just means I m either lucky or have some blinders.What follows are a few points made throughout the book Patriarchy does not allow for relationship Dr hooks begins with the statement that women fear men, for we are a constant threat of violence to them She uses an intense example by Barbara Deming, who describes the first time she felt true intimacy with her father, which was when she held his corpse It was the first time there was no threat of violence in him Put simply, Patriarchy involves domination, and love and domination can t coexist So, all intimacy within patriarchal culture is pretend intimacy The Patriarchy involves Domination Men living under the Patriarchy are constantly asking where they are on the social pecking order There can be no sign of weakness Instead of finding self esteem in a man s individual identity it is always found in relation to other men Any sign of weakness is shamed The question is always who is on top who is dominating who One of the silly thing men often do is answer questions even if they don t know the right answer, or were not asked the question this is because not having the answer causes shame and shows weakness So, mansplaining, for example, is an attempt to not be shamed Psychic self mutilation Boys become men when they learn to stop expressing their emotions This is a horrendous loss, and within the Patriarchy manhood is reaffirmed by learning to only grieve this loss in private Dr hooks suggests the anti social stage of development in boys may in fact be the point at which they learn to stop expressing their emotions There are multiple masks men learn to use to hide this grief and other emotions In general the mask is compartmentalization This causes men to distrust everyone, after all if they are masking their pain, everyone is lying Often times boys living in anti patriachal homes lead a double life at home and at school Additionally, Workaholism is a mask that is rewarded and encouraged by pretty much everyone Work is a place to escape the self It encourages a sense of separate spheres, men work and make money, women work at home and do the emotional work for men Another major mask is sex The Patriarchy has told men that sex is the only space for intimacy and release of emotions This causes men to have a constant sense of sexual scarcity, after all they are told sex does the work of all passions, sensualities, and relationships All human needs are promised to us by way of sex and sexuality It isn t put in its proper place as one pleasure among many pleasures Dr hooks warns women ought not ignore the pain the Patriarchy inflicts upon men, as they too can be socialized into psychic self mutilation Change is hard Popular culture props up the Patriarchy, even when it tries to be thoughtful about masculinity For example, American Beauty, Life as a House, and Monsters Ball all depict men critically reflecting upon their emotional life, and they all end up dead Who would choose to embrace a practice that he is told will lead to his destruction Men are often bought off by the Patriarchy Dr hooks describes a gentle quiet feminist man who assumed a macho persona and was rewarded for it Women were drawn to him, he was noticed publically and professionally, and his feminism ceased At times mainstream feminism gives men who want to change mixed messages, Hold onto ideas about strength and providing for others while dropping your investment in domination and add an investment in emotional growth It s important to remember that women also enforce patriarchal norms The following conversation is a norm How do you feel Like there is something missing, I m in pain and I think society hates me Shut up Similarly, men recovering from substance abuse often have the experience of being told by their partner, Now that you are sober you no longer need to express your feelings Finally, as long as the Patriarchy is the water in which we swim, men who want to change will be left resource less Men will never receive support from patriarchal culture for their emotional development But it is worth it Anytime a single male dares to transgress patriarchal boundaries in order to love, the lives of women, men, and children are fundamentally changed for the better.

  2. says:

    Growing up in a conservative, religious environment, I was often taught to stay away from feminist books, with the caution that they would poison my mind Contrary to that advice, I have found nothing liberating than to read books that validate my experience, and interrupt the silent hatred that has bubbled in my being as a result of witnessing the patriarchy at play.In The Will to Change, bell hooks isn t spreading concepts of feminism through a binary lens of men vs women She claims that believing in a concept of male supremacy is as erroneous as spreading ideas of female supremacy In order for the feminist movement to progress, we need men Period She posits that women need a space to process the experiences of living in a patriarchal society, and that we need a space to acknowledge and expose the feelings that arose and still linger as a result of said experiences We need to engage in our own healing so we can form alliances with men Patriarchy has no gender, y all We are all victims, and must work together to dismantle it.

  3. says:

    This is one of the most important books I ve read, and I ve read a lot bell is so right that patriarchy has no gender, and I don t see how we fix things until we get this concept in it s full depth and with all it s implications What astounds me is the extraordinary generosity of this book as a white man from New England, this black woman from Kentucky, who s background could not be different from my own, she has taught me a very great deal about the core issues in my life, family, and culture I would also suggest reading Carol Gilligan s The Birth of Pleasure, which covers similar ground from a different angle and is just as good.

  4. says:

    This is really of a feminist ramble than anything else Hooks doesn t really construct arguments or cite anything but anecdotal sources In most of the book, she constructs images of truly brutish men, then contrasts this against her vision of feminism As a man, reading this is kind of a beating, but I guess men weren t really her intended audience for this book If you want to learn about masculinity either spiritually, historically, or in any other sense, I don t recommend this book Even if you want to learn about feminism or the feminist take on masculinity, I would suggest seeking something coherent.

  5. says:

    This is the most healing book that I have ever read As someone who has struggled my entire life to understand my disconnect with men, this book has offered me a perspective that has facilitated a deeper connection to myself as well as a deeper connection to men I feel healing taking place in areas I had previously lost hope Words cannot express how profoundly appreciative I am that Bell Hooks wrote this book.

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