Che Fatica Crescere Bambini Bene Educati, Tanto Pi Quando Anche I Migliori Modelli Educativi Sembrano Entrati In Crisi Pamela Druckerman Si Messa A Osservare Da Vicino Le Mamme Francesi E Ha Capito Che Sono Di Gran Lunga Le Migliori I Loro Piccoli Non Fanno Capricci, Dicono Buongiorno , Sono Ubbidienti, Finiscono Con Gusto Tutto Quello Che Hanno Nel Piatto, Dormono Di Notte, E Soprattutto Lasciano In Pace I Genitori L Autrice Ha Raccolto, Giorno Dopo Giorno, Una Miniera Di Segreti, Parole D Ordine E Comportamenti Capaci Di Migliorare La Vita Di Una Persona E Dei Suoi Figli Fin Dai Primissimi Giorni, Le Madri Francesi Non Rinunciano Alla Propria Vita, Ritengono Che Un Buon Genitore Non Debba Essere Sempre A Disposizione Dei Propri Figli, E Non Ne Ricavano Alcun Senso Colpa In Francia I Genitori Sono Assai Severi Su Alcune Regole Fondamentali, Rispettate Le Quali Numerose Piccole Trasgressioni Hanno Diritto Di Cittadinanza Esercitano Cos Una Tranquilla Autorit , Che Contribuisce Alla Formazione Del Carattere Perch I Bambini Capiscono Tutto, E Sta Ai Loro Genitori Farne Dei Pestiferi Viziati Eternamente Molesti Oppure Dei Frugoletti Adorabili E Tranquilli, Indipendenti Come La Loro Mamma I failed to appreciate much of what this book had to offer based on many poorly backed assumptions and one substantial thought flaw The author mentions that she believes the French public services don t explain the differences in parenting that she sees One could easily argue that if many American parents didn t have to worry about child care costs, preschool, college tuition or health insurance their parenting styles would be vastly different.There are far too many references to one extreme example of American parenting gone wrong and far too many examples of a few observations of French parenting gone right.I do think there is a generational phenomenon of helicopter parenting and Mommy martyrdom however, I don t think that defines America s parenting practice as a whole While I appreciate the mentioned French notion of fostering autonomy, I don t believe it was an earth shattering new parenting philosophy or approach I laughed through the explanation of fostering autonomy by allowing children one swear word, one that has been used and said by many generations caca boudin translated to caca sausage Apparently, if I let my boys run around the house saying shit , as it is only to be done in private, they are gaining important lessons in self worth and autonomy Ummmmm, ok There does seem to be a cultural difference in the construction of parenting guilt Likely fueled by a judgmental and competitive American society where moms are judged on every decision or choice natural birth or epidural, breastfeed or bottle The author argues that the judgement comes from having multiple different parenting philosophies and attempting to validate your choices French parenting is made easier by one cultural approach Americans believe faster development is a sign of better parenting, while the French all believe in exposure and joy No rush Again, yes, there are parents who over schedule, over indulge, over parent, but I fail to see that as an entire American phenomenon The discussion about body image maddened me American women feel the need to sacrifice their body for their children, unable to resist the temptation to overindulge While French women, adhere to their strict diets, pop out the kid, and bounce back immediately Blah blah blah Many of the French women work, as it is made much easier by state preschools and child care The teachers are well trained and schooled, parents often resume their pre baby lives but do so with a new member Again, I fail to see how the author can say this doesn t affect the difference in parenting styles.I think the book as a whole sparks interesting conversation, I just wish it hadn t been written in unfounded blanket statements. The basis of the book has been recounted, but is worth retelling An American author finds herself in Paris because of her husband s job As she emphasizes, she is American she does not live in France because of francophilia she does not imagine that she will stay or live in France.But When she had her daughter in France, she was struck repeatedly, and at many levels at the difference between French and American children Differences in how they behave, interact with children and adults, how they play with toys She notes as have I that when she walked into the home of Americans, the house was chaotic, toys asunder, children whining, eating whatever and whenever the mothers were harried, dressed slovenly parents stressed and distant None of this was true among French families with small children Their play was quiet and creative, toys were few and neat, interactions especially with adults were polite, they ate what their parents ate and when they ate it the French women were neatly dressed, quickly obtaining their desired weight and size, maquillage applied French couples went out, and seemed closer than before children.And this doesn t even include the differences in sleeping through the night early and successful toileting That French PRE school kids have a three course meal, cooked on site, every day that includes le frommage but no dessert That they don t snack between meals but we Americans do.Why the differences Well, there are many reasons, which the author attempts to divine Some have complained that the author s comments are observational, not scientific True But that makes her observations and comments no less valid or, even, less true.I will say this I do not think that there will be a single open minded mother that will not be affected by this book I will even say this I do not think that there will be a single open minded mother who will not do something different in raising a child after reading this book That is strong praise, indeed For those raising, contemplating raising, or having raised a child, I recommend this book No not recommend They should read this book Really It s that interesting, provocative, and instructive. This THIS It was such a relief to read this I ve worked with kids since 7th grade, and really want at least one of my own, but well, frankly, a lot of people make it seem like the worst thing ever Forget sleep, when you have kids Enjoy your LAST VACATION THAT S ACTUALLY FUN Good luck eating chicken fingers the rest of your life I always thought that sounded so utterly sad I, personally, always really loved hanging out with kids but had the sort of subconscious thought that maybe it wouldn t be fun any once they were my own, because I was going to become a zombie whose really nice purse was filled with Goldfish cracker crumbs and broken dreams.While I had the underlying thought that maybe it wouldn t be fun, it conflicted with the idea of, Well, maybe it could be I mean, it can t all be bad And what the author describes as the French method of parenting is pretty much word for word how I always thought I would be as a parent, particularly when discussing the magic of the word no I just never got that I never understood why parents act as though seeing their kids cry for the stupidest reasons was going to break them psychologically Granted, I have the benefit of working with toddlers and preschoolers, so I ve seen tantrums over everything under the sun, which has given me the benefit of some practice foresight In that sense, this book is a great resource to sort of get your head in the game before the newbie gets here make some loose decisions about what you re going to do beforehand and the it s easier to follow through.I was absolutely cracking up at some of the behaviors stories she describes, my favorite being my 1 annoyance Manic Mommy Narration I ve seen this so many times I ve lost count, and it s truly grating OOH LOOK, WE RE IN THE STORE HERE WE ARE IN THE STORE DO YOU SEE THE SHELF THAT S THE SHELF THE SHELF HAS BOOKS ON IT MOMMY HAS TO GO TO THE COUNTER MOMMY NEEDS TO RETURN A BOOK, WHEN WE DON T WANT BOOKS ANY MORE WE RETURN THEM SHUT UP SHUT UP SHUT UP Truly, I was thrilled someone actually noticed this, and that the pediatrician she interviewed had the same thought as me You re doing it to reassure the world that You are an Awesome Parent Meanwhile, everyone around you thinks you re nuts.One of the best things Druckerman discusses is tone The scene where she s at the playground with her son who keeps running to the gate is very telling I ve learned the hard way that tone is everything you basically have to talk to your kids in a tone that says, This is it This is life Do it I think it sounds harsh to be repeating It s me who decides all day, but at the same time, I feel as though it s often forgotten that it s reassuring to kids to have a leader It can be extremely disorienting when the Big Person is acting nervous about something no matter what their words actually are, the tone is everything If stepping on a scale is making your mom s voice get tighter, then CLEARLY this is A Very Bad Idea That scale is going to swallow you up But speaking with confidence, and acting as though it s an inevitable fact of life, makes kids feel better, not worse Her discussion of The Pause was great in the same way while she framed it mostly to do with listening to children and their needs extremely important , I feel like it also gives parents a moment to gather themselves as well I can imagine stumbling into a dark bedroom at night where a crying child lay, and just doing anything to help them That makes complete sense But forcing yourself to stop for a second gives you the parent a moment to think, not just for the kid s sake, but so you don t live your life feeling like you re on a high wire.Overall, I loved this book because it fell in line with the idea that, you cannot be a great parent if you re stressed all the time and never take time your yourself you cannot enjoy your children if they don t play by the rules I ve often said that I m strict consistent with kids because I don t have patience, not because I m some saint I know from experience that kids aren t fun when they re not given boundaries and feel safe I ll definitely be passing this on. Also known as French children don t throw food One of the best parenting books I ve ever read, and entertaining as well I actually took notes and have been trying some things out I love the author s attitude and I can see a lot of logic in many of the French ideas But regardless, I really enjoyed reading the story of this family It s so interesting reading this book as a non parent and as somebody who never intends to be a parent It s clear to me that most current American parents are slaves to their children in a way that my own parents were not As someone who works with the public on a daily basis in a place that caters to children families as well as adults , I m frankly appalled at some of the behaviors I see that would never have been tolerated a generation ago I am aware, though, that it s easy to be smug and judgmental when you re not the parent guardian of a small child, though. This book was recommended to me by a good friend.Very funny written, entertaining and good read, but not as a typical guide.Listen to your intuition and do not let the counselors influence you As a retired pediatrician and a grandfather, I am often intrigued by literature pertaining to child rearing, and when I read several reviews of this book and watched an interview with the author, I was especially interested in reading the book for myself Druckerman is an American, married to an Englishman, who has lived in Paris for a number of years, and she has had three children during her sojourn there When she and her husband noticed, to their chagrin, how much easier the French managed child rearing and how much better behaved, apparently happier, and flexible the French children seemed than her own and those of her American friends in both the US and France, she set out to discover why This book presents her findings and conclusions It should be noted that this is in no way a scientific study It is My Observations, Generalized Nonetheless, it is vastly entertaining, seemingly insightful, and potentially productive of causing introspection on the part of today s American parents, leading them to examine and possible modify their own ways of approaching and raising their children Much of the book makes sense to me, and it was a treat to read Druckerman s sense of humor is infectious, and she makes her points gently but based on acute observation She is honest about noting areas of French parenting with which she is a bit uncomfortable, although it must be admitted that in most cases she comes around to the French point of view, largely because she is able to note the results, including the fact that French parents and children seem to be calmer than Americans often are She traces the trajectory of raising children from birth into adolescence, noting the French tendency to set firm outer limits with much freedom within those limits, and she applauds that autonomy that French parents are able to foster in their children Having observed my share of out of control and self centered American children who are not much fun to be around, I support Druckerman s willingness to look inside other cultures to see what they might have to offer and her ability to try approaches that seem initially unfamiliar and awkward This was a delightful book to read, a book that engenders much food for thought, and I suspect that many American parents would enjoy and benefit from reading it. The fetishization of the French or the Chinese or whatever the hot culture of the moment is bugs me, to no end I think that when you re a stranger in a strange land, as Druckerman was, you end up putting a great deal of emphasis on fitting in and behaving to the detriment of what s truly important Druckerman admits toward the end of the book, as her daughter becomes and French, that she s a bit disturbed and unsettled and not all that pleased by the results of her own French parenting Be careful what you wish for But Druckerman s upper class, wealthy French friends do some things right, which makes this book a worthwhile and very funny, well written read The problem is, they also get a lot of crucial stuff very, very wrong Unfortunately, Ms Druckerman glosses these aspects of the culture First, just about all of the good stuff of Druckerman s advice brilliantly packaged and marketed as French wisdom is common sense Let your kid experience frustration, let him wait le pause really , don t follow him around the playground like a crazed idjit, have some rules le cadre The idea that this wisdom is French is absurd Meanwhile, Druckerman doesn t have much to say about a culture that disdains breastfeeding or that demands a mother s focus and, disturbingly, her doctor s be on pleasing le monsieur the husband by losing weight tout de suite and getting mama back in working order tummy tucks and perimeal re education that is, vagina tightening physical therapy all paid for by the state Druckerman also downplays the importance of the most vital French parenting wisdom year long state paid maternity leaves, months of vacation time, free daycare, and free preschool Think about that No, really think about it Wow How anti American is all that I wish the book had to say on this But Ms Druckerman would rather write about spinach souffl s for toddlers and sleeping troubles yawn and how awful Americans are Again, and again, and again It becomes tiring, then irritating, then just plain absurd C mon Pam, grow a pair We re not all that bad and the French aren t all that good Still, reading Bringing up Bebe is like passing a pleasant afternoon with a mom you ve just met at the playground She doesn t say anything too interesting or provocative, and she s a bit muddled in her thinking, but it s a fine way to pass the time if you don t take her too seriously as many commenters have pointed out below, I mean anti American in a sarcastic way, as in anti the current state of politics in America where social programs are deeply distrusted and unfunded I would change this sentence to anti capitalist as suggested below, but this sentence caused so much discussion, I m leaving it as is It really is the crux of why Druckerman s book misses the point about how to successfully raise very young children Most mothers need the kind of help that perhaps only the state can give and that will never happen in the current political climate in the US. I ve purposefully shied away from so many parenting books on the bookstore shelves these days It seems like most of those geared toward pregnancy put you in a mild panic about all the things that could go wrong And the rest They induce a sense of fear, guilt and inferiority that, book lover though I am, I don t want to gravitate toward as I enjoy this stress free pregnancy of mine BUTI d heard a lot of discussion about this particular book and I have to say, if it ends up being the ONLY book on parenting I read in the lead up to my child s birth this fall, I m better off for having made the choice For some quick background, the author is an American who finds herself living with her British husband in Paris at the time of their daughter s birth Experiencing motherhood herself, Druckerman witnesses firsthand the differences in how the French families around her are raising their children and the ways in which she s drawn to the modern day, American style of parenting she s most familiar with.But that s the thing this modern version of American parenting ATTACHMENT parenting, as they call it It s the antithesis of the way the French do it and, I believe, the way Americans USED to parent, 30 to 40 years ago In short, I think it s all a bit nutty I borrowed a library copy of this book but intend to purchase my own, as I dog earred so many pages a guilty habit of mine that I want to review it again in full at my own leisure Some wonderful parenting concepts explored inside the book, a favorite being this idea known as The Pause, or letting your infant child lay in his her crib for 5 10 minutes and fuss before stepping in to see if there is a wet diaper or empty belly as the root cause of the problem As the French have learned and Druckerman provides research to support , infants need to teach themselves to fall back asleep it s a learning process But because Americans are so quick to jump in and intervene, it s a key reason why they set their children up to be unable to sleep through the night at 8, 9 or 10 months old.Other major takeaways touch on the emphasis the French put on establishing a cadre or framework of discipline and responsibility for their children the importance of manners it s not just please and thank you but hello and goodbye for the French instilling a child s independence ie, not hovering over them on the playground and teaching them how to behave at the dinner table, all the while eating food that vastly trumps our chicken tenders friendly U.S kids menus Some may balk at Druckerman s writing or the book s subject material, but I couldn t help but fall madly in love with these concepts I ve grown SO accustomed to seeing American children be the center of their parents universe constantly interrupting them in conversations, engaging their parents in their meltdowns at the dinner table that it was a refreshing change of course to read about a culture where THAT kind of behavior is abnormal A culture unafraid to teach its children patience You must teach your children frustration is a French parenting maxim that I whole heartedly endorse How little of that is happening in America these days And, as a result, not only do we have a nation of ill behaved kids, but one for which overstressed parents are paying the price.I am so determined not to join that rat race style of parenting and so this is a book I intend to come back and consult in the years to come.
Pamela Druckerman is an American journalist and the author of Bringing Up B b The Penguin Press 2012 the U.K version of the same book French Children Don t Throw Food Doubleday UK 2012 and Lust In Translation The Penguin Press 2007.From 1997 to 2002 she was a staff reporter at The Wall Street Journal, based in Buenos Aires, S o Paulo and New York Her Op eds and articles have since
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- Bringing up Bébé
- Pamela Druckerman
- 26 February 2019 Pamela Druckerman